Scary!

So, apparently I have two little creatures growing inside of me right now. And no, I do not mean that I am carrying twins. When I had my first ultrasound at about 10 weeks, the ultrasound tech noticed that I had an abnormal growth on one of my ovaries. Over a year ago, I took clomid which gave me cysts on my ovaries, as I have mentioned before. We figured it was just another cyst since I have had them before. I was worried about it, because that pain I went through when the first one burst was so intense that I never want to experience anything like that again. She assured me it would not affect the baby if it ruptured, so I was at least comforted by that. Well, the next week I met with my doctor, Dr. Jeff Jacobs, and he immediately went into details about the solid mass that appeared in my ultrasound. He was talking so fast that I sat their completely confused. When words like tumor and cancer started coming out of his mouth, I went from confused to panic-stricken. I think Dr. Jacobs realized that he had completely lost me and slowed down to explain what was going on in terms that I could understand.
Dr. Jacobs explained that the growth on my ovary did not appear to be a normal, fluid filled cyst. He described it as a solid mass, which could mean a number of things. He said that most likely it was a type of cyst that would need to be removed through surgery, but that there was a chance that it could be a tumor, and worst case scenario, cancer. He said the growth was about 8 cm. When I told Dr. Jacobs about the cyst that had rupture just a year earlier, and that the CT scan showed that I had another 5 cm cyst on my left ovary, he was certain this was the same thing, and that it had grown a little over the past year. He told me not to worry about it (which was impossible since he had used the term cancer!) because he wasn't worried about it. He did tell me that since his son had cancer as a young boy, he was extremely cautious about anything out of the ordinary. I felt very comforted in his sincerity and thoroughness. Dr. Jacobs has a specialist come up from Utah once a week, so he said they would look over my ultrasounds together, and that he would set me up with an appointment with this other guy for next month. I was so glad that he seemed to care so much. I never felt like my old doctor did.
As I left the doctor's office, I was a complete wreck. I bawled for about an hour! I just wanted everything to be perfect. I am so glad that my baby is fine and growing and healthy, but I wanted everything to be going well. Fortunately, I was able to put it all out of my mind and forgot about it. That is, until Thursday the 12th when I got a call from Dr. Jacobs. He told me that he had consulted with his specialist friend and that he said I have what is called a Dermoid, sometimes called a dermoid cyst. It is a bizarre tumor that develops before birth. So apparently this thing has been living in me my whole life. I don't know all the details of this thing, but what I do know is not fun. It is benign, with a two percent chance of becoming cancer. It grows very slowly, but is develops more fully during the child bearing years. It is like a pocket of cells that didn't go where they were supposed to. This thing inside of me is a thick, mature skin with hair follicles and sweat glands. It can grow hair, teeth, fat, bones, nails, eyes, thyroid tissue, and lots of other things. My doctor actually seemed relieved when he discovered what it is, but I about lost it. I held it together on the phone, but then got sick over the fact that I have this weird tumor thing growing on my ovary. I called Tyler and he comforted me a little bit, but then I looked up pictures. Not a good idea! When my doctor told me we would just have to keep a close eye on it to make sure it didn't grow hair or teeth, I thought he was joking. I thought that was his humorous way of saying he just wanted to make sure it didn't change or worsen. But he literally meant hair and teeth! So I feel like I have a little alien creature growing inside of me. All I want in there is my little baby! Dr. Jacobs said that the risk that comes with surgery right now is greater than the benefit, so we are going to keep an eye on it, then remove it after the baby comes. I pray every night that it doesn't rupture or worsen in any way. I am grateful to my little baby because I don't think we would have found it any time soon if I hadn't gotten pregnant. I know it sounds dramatic, but I can't help but think that maybe this baby saved my life, because I could have never gotten pregnant and the dermoid could have gone malignant before ever knowing it was there. I am grateful for the caring doctor that I found in Pocatello. I'm still a little scared about this whole situation, but I have faith that I will be okay. I do get to see my baby at every appointment because of it!

Three Years in the Making

You know how there are moments that you know from that second on, your life has just changed for the better, and that day is stuck in your memory forever? Here are a few of those days that have been the best days of my life...
June 2, 2007- I received a text message from this cute guy that I had only met for a minute a month and a half early asking me to go see Knocked Up with him.
December 24, 2007- The greatest guy I have ever known asked me to be his wife.
August 9, 2008- I married my best friend.
August 15, 2009- I was sealed in the Bountiful Temple to my husband for all eternity.
February 18, 2012- I peed on a stick and two little pink lines appeared.
Of course there are many more days in my life that I distinctly remember, but none were greater blessings than those listed above. Especially that last one.

After Tyler and I had been married for six months, we decided to stop doing anything that would prohibit us from getting pregnant. We weren't exactly trying to have a baby, but we had just decided that we didn't care to do anything to prevent it either. We planned on really trying after we got sealed, which we planned to do right after our one year wedding anniversary. As the months went by, I was never sad that I hadn't gotten pregnant, because we had only been married a short time, but I also thought it was a little strange that it hadn't happened. Or maybe I thought we were lucky. Either way, I wasn't concerned at all. The day we went through the temple, we were driving through Utah and we decided that we were officially trying to get pregnant. We were both very excited about our decision, and we started buying ovulation and pregnancy tests almost monthly. As the months went by, I started getting a little worried about the fact that it wasn't happening. Everyone else in my family got pregnant so easily that I just thought we would too. January came, and it had been five months of disappointment, but I hadn't lost hope yet. That is, until I got the news of family members and close friends pregnancies. I was very happy for everyone that was having babies, but I was also very jealous. However, I thought that I would definitely be pregnant before they had their babies. But I wasn't. Then I watched as their babies grew, had their first birthdays, their second Christmas', and I still was not pregnant.
After almost two years without any luck, I tried the fertility drug clomid, but it caused very painful cysts on my ovaries, so my doctor said that was not an option anymore. I became so bitter and angry. I could no longer be happy for people that got pregnant. I hated people that complained about pregnancy or their children. I had to stay off facebook because I wanted to freak out every time anybody announced they were having a baby, especially if they were younger than me. I was so angry and my heart was broken. Worst of all, I hated the bitter, angry person I had become. I was in an awful slump, and I just didn't know how to pull myself out of it!
Tyler's grandma is one of the most amazing people I know. I love our Grandma Jean. On Christmas night, Grandma told us that she knew someone that couldn't get pregnant so they had a priesthood blessing, and within three months they found out they were having a baby. She told us that we needed to get a blessing so of course we obeyed Grandma Jean. Tyler asked his brother Toby if he would give us blessings pertaining to our desires to become parents. Toby, and their uncle Keith layed their hands upon our heads, and gave us very kind and sincere blessings. As we left that room, I did know that I would become a mother, someday. I thought I was being told that it would have to be adoption. Tyler said he did not feel the same, but he too knew that someday he would be a father. I officially gave up, then and there. I didn't tell Tyler, or anyone else, but at this point, all hope and faith that I would ever conceive and carry my own child was gone. But I am telling you right now, always listen to and obey your elders- they know best. Just as Grandma Jean knew it, I got pregnant just a month later.

February 18, 2012

For about five days, Tyler and I were very aware of the fact that I was "late". On Friday night, I brought up this fact to Tyler, but he immediately told me not to talk about it, but he thought I might jinx it. I asked him if I should take a test and told me not yet. On Saturday, we went to Walmart where I snuck a pregnancy test into the cart. We got home, unloaded our groceries, and both went into separate bathrooms. He had no idea what I was about to do. I peed on the stick, and set it far out of sight because I wanted to wait the whole two minutes before I even looked at it. We had had plenty of disappointments before, waiting for that little thing to say yes, so I didn't even want to look at it for a minute. I got on facebook while I waited. I saw that the Harper girls basketball team, the one Tyler had coached for three years previous to this one, had just become champions at districts. Finally, I had nothing left to distract me, so I looked at the stick. There were two pink lines! I blinked twice and looked again, I didn't trust my eyes the first time. I sat their with my mouth hanging open for about a minute, just staring at the two pink lines. Then I started to cry. Tears of utter joy and shock! I ran out of the bathroom, but Tyler was still in the other one. I talked to him through the door and told him about the Harper girls' success and he was pretty excited. When he finally came out of the bathroom. I just said softly "I think I'm pregnant" and held up that little white stick. He did what I first did, stared at the test, mouth hanging open. Then said "why is one line lighter than the other? Where are the instructions?" So I took him in to the box where we read that one line may be lighter than the other. And the cheering and crying commenced. We hugged and cried and said is this real and hugged and cried and laughed. Tyler insisted that I take another test, but I told him I wanted to wait till morning. I don't think either of us slept very well that night. I took another one the next morning, and when those two little appeared again, we hugged and cried all over again! Our dreams had finally come true, and our prayers were answered. This was the best moment of my life.

I am so thankful to all my family and friends for all the prayers over the past three years. I know that my family kept praying and having faith that this would happen for us long after I lost mine. I thank my Heavenly Father day and night for this miracle. 2011 was the hardest, most painful year of my life, physically and emotionally. I know that 2012 will be equally amazing. Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and there has never been another time better than now for this to happen. Tyler and I are so excited and ready to be parents. We are honored to be given this wonderful blessing.